I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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