he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Randomize
