I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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