I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
