Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Randomize
