John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
