Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
