I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Even my vagina gasped.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
