She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
