do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
My pussy is not your playground.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
