dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
