On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
