In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
