Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
