I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
