guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
