I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
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