You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
