haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
