The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
