I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
