i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
NoShamevember. You game?
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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