She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
