it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
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