I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize
