If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
