so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
The struggles of a small town man whore
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Randomize
