if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I am available for nakedness
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
