He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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