i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
