Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
