Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Randomize
