if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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