Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
