I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
