Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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