You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
