Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
