So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
He felt like a one man threesome
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
