I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
