Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
