Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Randomize
