i jhust puked up my retainher.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
