i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
