If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
