I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
My penis needs a shock collar
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
