Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
