my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I smell like Dick and happiness
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
