My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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