I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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